


With All My Heart

by Spider_Lilly



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: A/B/O, Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Kid Fic, M/M, Omega Eggsy, Past Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5853451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spider_Lilly/pseuds/Spider_Lilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is one thing to be a Kingsman agent, and quite another to be Arthur. Add in being married to the only omega Knight in Kingsman and trying to raise a child and things can get a little messy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> well, this story is basically a whole bunch of domestic fluff and angst. I wanted to post this before I talked myself into holding it back until it's "perfect" because then I never post anything. Perfection is for losers but I'm sure I'll think this chapter sucks in a few days, but I'm going to try and finish the whole thing before going back and doing any edits. If you read this and liked it, feel free to jab me with a stick if I haven't updated in a while.

“No.” The word had come out of his mouth before Eggsy could even ask, and the look of disappointment on his omega’s face was almost enough to make him change his mind. Almost.

“Why not?” Eggsy’s asked petulantly, holding the little bundle closer. “You said before-“

“What I said before doesn’t matter,” Harry snapped, his fist smacking against the wood of his desk. “You don’t just go on a mission to Russia and come back with a _baby _.” The baby in question had started fussing in Eggsy’s arms, but seemed like he was too tired to work up to a full blown cry.__

Eggsy’s face hardened and he held the baby closer to his chest. “I found him in th’ fuckin’ bin, ‘Arry. He… I couldn’t jus leave him there, could I?”

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose to help fight off the desire to growl he felt rising up in his chest. He was not going to growl at his mate like some beast. And he sure as hell wasn’t going to growl at some helpless pup, no matter how unwelcome he was. 

He could feel Eggsy’s eyes on him, watching, waiting to see what he would say. Because even now, even this, Eggsy knows that Harry has never really been able to tell him no. And he could feel his resolve crumbling even as he stood there. His omega wanted this. _Eggsy _wanted this. If it wasn’t this baby, it would be another. So why not, then?__

He sighed and pulled his billfold out of his pocket. “He’ll need clothes of his own.” He held the wallet out and Eggsy took it, a small frown pulling at his eyebrows.

“All new stuff, then?” 

Harry felt his jaw tick, and tried to control the tremors that had started in his hands. “Yes, Eggsy, all new stuff. Get whatever you want. I don’t care.” It was the wrong thing to say, he knew that before he had even opened his mouth. But he could only bring up a small twinge of guilt as he watched his husband’s jaw snap shut and nod stiffly. He knew he ought to say something. Apologize, go after him, talk about this like reasonable adults. But he just watched as Eggsy clutched the squirming child to his chest and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him with a sharp click.

Harry moved back behind his desk and collapsed into his chair. He felt like he was going to be sick and he could feel the tell-tale pressure building up behind his bad eye that promised a wonderful migraine. He should probably just go home, but the mountain of paperwork currently on his desk meant that he really shouldn’t. And Bors was due back from his mission in Somalia any minute and they would need to debrief. 

The thoughts made his head throb painfully and he pressed a hand to the scar on his temple as he reached for his pain medication. Becoming Arthur was supposed to make his life easier. He couldn’t go out in the field anymore, but this way he could still help with the missions, keep all his fingers in the various Kingsman pies. But it just seemed to add another layer of complication to his life.

He leaned back in his chair as he waited for the medication to take effect. He thought back on his time as an active agent, strong, competent, alone. As much as he loved Eggsy, and he did love him, he couldn’t deny that his life had been easier before the omega had come into his life, smelling so sweet. 

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice as Merlin let himself into the office until his old friend was standing right in front of him. 

“You’re going soft,” Merlin said with a smirk when Harry started at his presence. 

“I’ve had a bit of a day, Merlin. And why does no one knock anymore?”

“I heard. And I did, that’s why it’s funny.” He didn’t particularly look like he thought it was funny, but Harry didn’t comment because his friend was already moving towards the liquor cabinet. Merlin poured them both a generous amount of scotch and sat down on the other side of the desk with a heavy sigh. Harry sipped at his drink without a word, savoring the burn as he swallowed just a bit too fast.

“Harry, I honestly don’t think you could have fucked up more if you tried.” Merlin set his glass down with a thunk.

“What would have had me do?” Harry snapped. He felt like he was doing that much too often lately. “I tried to tell him no and he looked at me like I just told him he had to shot his damned dog again.”

“Maybe explaining why you don’t want to keep the babe would help! I'm having a bit of trouble understanding that myself, honestly. Especially since you had already-“

Harry let out the growl he had been fighting since Eggsy walked in with the kid. Merlin didn’t seem impressed, and he had to admit that the effect was a bit ruined by burring his head in his hands, but he didn’t care much.

“Is it because he isn’t yours? You would deny your omega this happiness because you can’t raise an adopted kid?”

“No.” The word came out rough and Harry hurried to cover the emotions that had leaked out of his voice. “No, I’ve just realized that I’m too old for pups. Too old to start a family.” 

Merlin’s face softened into what might have been understanding, but what Harry knew to be pity. He didn’t want anyone’s pity. “Harry,” his friend said softly, his hand reaching out across the desk.

Harry stood abruptly. “I fear I don’t feel well, Merlin. I believe I’m going to head home for the day. Tell Bors we’ll discuss his mission first thing tomorrow morning, will you?”

Merlin nodded and made no move to stop him as he headed out of the office towards the bullet train that would take him back to Savile Row.

The house was quiet when he arrived. J.B poked his head out from the kitchen to see who had come home before snuffling at Harry and waddling into the sitting room. Harry sighed and made his way slowly up the stairs. 

The medication wasn’t working properly, his head felt like it was going to split in two at any moment. He should just head straight for his bedroom and go to sleep, put this whole day behind him. But when he reached the top of the stairs he found himself not in front of his own bedroom door, but in front of the door they never speak of. The door they never open.

He turned the handle and the door groaned in protest, the wood old, the hinges rusty with disuse. Everything was the way it had been, though covered in a fine layer of dust. The walls had been painted a soft blue along with most of the furniture. Eggsy had wanted a theme. He had thought they could turn the blue into space or sea creatures later. But later had never come.

The first steps into the room didn’t feel like anything. Like he had been numb for so long he couldn’t feel it. But he curled his hand around the little white crib and suddenly it was just too much. The pain in his head and his heart was going to choke him and he opened his mouth to breathe but all that came out was a broken sob. 

He picked up a little blanket that had been left in the crib and brought it to his face, trying to calm himself. He needed to be strong. He couldn’t break down like this. He was an alpha, damn it, and Eggsy needed him. Eggsy needed a family. He had always known the omega would want children of his own. You couldn’t look at the boy with his sister and not know that. Harry couldn’t take this chance away from his Eggsy just because he can’t be strong.

He set the blanket down with a shuddering breath. He couldn’t do this now. Eggsy would be home soon and if he didn’t lie down he might fall down before he got the chance. Harry stood and straightened his suit before walking out of the room as calmly as he could manage, firmly shutting the door to the room that was supposed to belong to his son.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby needs a room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, guys! This story hasn't even been up for 24 hours and it already has over 400 hits! Thank you to everyone who left kudos and especially everyone who commented. I've never had such a response to a story before. <3
> 
> I hope you like this chapter. I don't plan on doing a lot from Eggsy's POV through this fic, but his perspective seemed important at this point.

“Rox, d’ya think you can hold this?” Eggsy giggled the bags in his hand and Roxy took them with a heavy sigh. She was already carrying most of the bags, plus a crib, but Eggsy couldn’t get the keys out of his pocket with the bags and the baby. Who was feeling much better and had taken to wiggling.

He looked down at the little wriggler and smiled while he unlocked the door. He really was the sweetest baby. His little downy hair was black as a raven’s wing and his eyes were so blue. Merlin said that was just the way a lot of babies were, that his eyes would probably darken to brown or green, but Eggsy was sure they would stay. 

And he looked so much better now. His cheeks had gone all rosy instead of the sickly pallor that they had when he had found him. His pretty blue eyes were bright, and he had been making happy cooing noises since he had woken up from his nap. Really, he was the calmest baby Eggsy had ever seen. He never really cried since Eggsy had taken him out of that awful place.

The door to the house swung open and Eggsy took his half of the bags from Roxy and bumbled into the house, hardly taking his eyes off of the little bundle in his arms. “Don’ worry, sweets, we’ll get you nice and cozy.” The baby gurgled up at him and he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. 

“Well where are we taking all this, Eggsy?” Roxy hitched the box with the crib up on her hip and looked at him with desperation in her eyes. Eggsy laughed and pointed up the stairs. Roxy sighed dramatically and hoisted the bags a little higher before stomping up the stairs. Eggsy followed with a laugh, taking the steps two at a time.

They made it to the landing and Roxy paused. Her eyes flicked between him and the door, just for a second, but it was enough to make his blood run cold.

“The- the second door, I think, Rox.”

Roxy pursed her lips but nodded and moved on to the smaller spare bedroom. Eggsy followed, trying to calm his now pounding heart. Roxy set the things down and started to unpack the brown crib while Eggsy set up the baby in a little chair he had gotten. It was a soft thing that would bounce when the baby kicked. He focused on getting the buckles just right. He was fine. This was good.

“You’re going to have to deal with it eventually, Eggsy,” Roxy said not unkindly. But she might as well have dumped a whole bucket of ice water over his head.'

“D’ya really think now is the time, Roxy?”

“It’s been a year. And you’ve just brought home a new baby, so if you don’t deal with it now, I can’t imagine when you will.”

Eggsy sighed and leaned back on his heels, offering his hand when the baby started to fuss. “It’s not that I don’ wanna deal with it, Rox. I have, really. But ‘arry… he doesn’t want to change it.” He bit his lip and looked down at the little fist around his finger. 

The truth was that Harry never talked about the son they had lost, not even when it had first happened. Eggsy thought at first that was how he was grieving, but if he cared at all then he would talk about it sometime, wouldn’t he? Wouldn’t Eggsy have seen him cry at least once?

Eggsy was so scared that the truth was that Harry just didn’t care. That he had only agreed to have a child in the first place because Eggsy had wanted one. The idea that his husband could be relieved that their child had died was too painful, and if he boxed up the room they had made together without Harry batting an eye he wasn’t sure their marriage would survive. And so he left the room exactly as it had been and they didn’t talk about it. 

“He doesn’t really seem like the type to build a shrine.” Roxy had her problem solving face on, and Eggsy didn’t want to be a problem that needed solving right now. But the only way to get her off her mission is to distract her with something else.

“Yeah, well, we’ve gotta get this room done before he gets home, yeah? Do you think we should paint today, or leave that for later?”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll be able to finish, but we’ll need to move the little man out of here if we’re gonna paint. The fumes aren’t good for him.”

Eggsy nodded and untangled his finger from the little boy and brushed the wrinkles out of his trousers. “Let’s move the bed out and then we can put the dressers and things in the middle to paint.”

Roxy nodded and so together they stripped the bed and maneuvered the mattress into the hall and down the stairs. They let the mattress fall down the stairs by itself but when it came to the bed frame they had to take it apart and carry the pieces down the stairs. Which shouldn’t have been a problem for two highly trained spies.

“Shit, Rox, watch it.” Eggsy ducked as Roxy tried to take the corner at the bottom of the stairs too sharply and smacked into the wall.

“Oooh sorry. Did it leave a dent?”

“Nah,” It had. “We can cover it with a picture anyway.” He hurried them into the sitting room and set the bed frames down, anxious to get back to the baby. Roxy followed him up the stairs and together they moved the furniture away from the walls and set out the tarps for painting. 

Roxy stood up and turned her attention to the baby, who was nodding off in his little chair. “Ok, we’ve gotta move the little guy.”

Eggsy made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat and resisted the urge to wring his hands in distress. He had never understood the gesture, it didn’t help anything, and so he refused to start now. Even if the thought of leaving the boy out of sight for more than five minutes made him break out in a cold sweat. 

Roxy dug into one of the bags and held out the box of new baby monitors they had gotten with a knowing look. Eggsy grumbled some more but took them and the baby downstairs. The monitors weren’t hard to set up, and they seemed pretty straightforward. So everything should be ok. The baby was sleeping and they would know the instant something happened. Painting wouldn’t even take that long.

He cast one more look at the sleeping boy before turning to go back upstairs. “J.B, watch him.” The dog looked up at him from the nest he had made on the discarded mattress and huffed before laying back down. He was faced towards the baby, though, so Eggsy counted it a success. 

Back in the spare bedroom, Roxy had cracked open the cans of paint and had already started rolling the color onto the walls. She spared him a glance as he entered, and he could tell she was judging.

“What? You don’t like the green I picked?”

“Well, it’s very standard, isn’t it?”

Eggsy shrugged. “He’s an omega boy, what other color should his room be?”

“Purple maybe? What if he hates green?”

“Then we’ll change it. Honestly, Roxy, you’re just saying that because you hate pink.”

Roxy groaned and rolled the paint on faster. “God, do I hate pink. I really don’t understand society’s obsession with gendering colors.”

“You don’ have to understand it, Roxy. Green’s a good color for omegan boys. ‘s calmin’ innit? Plus we can turn it into a forest or summat later.”

Roxy shrugged and Eggsy picked up the other roller and started on the other side of the room. Slowly the plain cream walls gave way to a sweet spring green. The motion of the roller was calming, and the soft sounds of breathing coming from the baby monitor helped to ease his frayed nerves.

“So what are you gonna call him?” Roxy asked after a few minutes.

Eggsy didn’t answer at first. It seemed like it was a big step, giving the baby a name. It was like the act of naming him made it real.   
But he had already given him a name, hadn’t he? All he had to do was speak it.

“I was thinking about James. James Bartholomew Hart. Bit of a mouthful, but Harry’s dad was Bartholomew so I thought it’d be nice. We could call him Jamie for short, or Jim if he was that sort. Or Bart if he liked his middle name better. D’yah think Harry’d be mad? About usin’ his da’s name?”

Roxy grinned at his little tirade and shook her head. “I think it’ll be fine, Eggsy. I’m sure Harry will love it. And little Jamie will probably grow into the name.” She snickered so Eggsy did the only thing a self-respecting spy could do and flicked paint on her. 

She squeaked and lashed out with the roller, coating him from nose to bellybutton in green paint. For a moment all Eggsy could do was stare and splutter. Roxy stared back with wide eyes, like she couldn’t believe she did that. Eggsy couldn’t believe she did that, either. 

A manic giggle bubbled up from his throat and he lunged at her, snagging a hand paintbrush for a more focused attack. Roxy jumped back and grabbed her own paintbrush and jumped on the offensive.

 

Well, the room got painted. And if the crib ended up splattered with green paint, the pair agreed that it just looked better that way. And if two grown Kingsman agents ended up with more paint on them than the room, well, they didn’t need to talk about that.

Eggsy’s clothes were unsalvageable. And it wasn’t that Roxy’s weren’t, it was that she had gotten that one lucky shot in at the beginning and there wasn’t much left to save after that. But he was going to check on Jamie before changing. It just seemed like the thing to do.

Roxy shot a hand out and stopped him from heading down the stairs. “Maybe you should go wash up first.”

“Oi, like you’re much better!”

“You will turn that baby green if you go down there now. Go change, I’ll keep Jamie company while you’re gone.” Her tone brooked no argument and Eggsy didn’t want to waste time trying. Harry would be home soon and he should probably be decent.

He went into the bedroom and flicked on the lights only to be greeted with a pained groan and the sight of his husband burying his head in their pillows. Eggsy’s blood ran cold and he flicked the lights right back off. 

“’Arry? How long have you been home?” Eggsy whispered, coming to stand beside the bed. Harry mumbled something into the bed and Eggsy ran a gentle hand through his husband’s hair, careful not to get paint on him. “Sorry,” he whispered, “we didn’t know you were here…. Is it bad?” Harry nodded and Eggsy fought down the guilt that threatened to overwhelm him. 

He needed to clean up… and make sure that Jamie was ok. Then he could take care of his husband, he could make everything ok.

He ran down the stairs as fast as he could, startling Roxy, who pulled Jamie close to her. The sight calmed part of his racing heart. He could trust Roxy with his life. He could trust Roxy with his son.

“Harry’s here,” he said slowly and carefully so he didn’t startle Jamie. “He’s got a awful headache.”

Roxy nodded and scooped up her bag. “We’ll just take a walk down to the park. Be back in time for dinner.” She smiled reassuringly at him and it did honestly make him feel a little better. But as soon as the front door shut he sprang into action, flinging his paint covered clothes off and wiping the rest off with a cloth. 

He grabbed Harry’s medication and a cool compress before heading back upstairs. Harry’s headaches could be awful, and sometimes there wasn’t anything they could do but wait it out. And he would wait it out. He wouldn’t leave Harry for anything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can't ignore it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I aaaammm setting up a pace that I can't possibly maintain with these chapter updates! But I've never had writing be so easy, so Imma keep going for as long as I can. :)
> 
> But wow! almost 1,000 hits already! I love you all! 
> 
> This chapter is filled with more aaaangst. But I promise fluff is coming. eventually.

The baby does nothing but cry. He screams and cries and then he eats and cries some more. Harry wishes he had such a luxury, but the fact remains that while Eggsy can take sudden maternity leave, Harry does not have that option. Arthur is a full time job, on call 24/7 366 days a year. He can delegate and rearrange things so that he can take time off, but the fact of the matter remains that when everything goes tits up, it’s him that they’ll call.

So of course no one gives a shit that he’s sleep deprived.

He’s taken to terrorizing the interns. Seeing the blood run from their faces when he approaches makes him feel just a little better. Like he’s the agent he used to be and not some middle aged man being run into the ground by a pup.

Merlin doesn’t appreciate his new coping mechanisms.

There isn’t much he can do about it, seeing as Harry is actually his boss and he isn’t _actually_ doing anything harmful to the interns. But Harry had noticed his coffee mugs had taken to disappearing from the breakroom.

It wasn’t a problem. He didn’t care about that. What he did care about was the child in his house that woke up screaming three times a night. The child that was slowly stealing his sanity.

But not tonight. He had an important meeting in the morning and he was taking precautions. He had made the bed with the softest sheets, made himself a cup of chamomile tea, and had the best earplugs he could find in the store.

Eggsy didn’t seem to appreciate his preparations. He had been glaring at him out of the corner of his eye all night and slamming things down. And now he was laying down across from Harry with his back pointedly turned towards him.

Harry sighed and put his earplugs in. There wasn’t anything he could do about whatever this was on no sleep. His omega was angry with him for no reason. The only thing he’d done is let him keep the child he had wanted even though they hadn’t discussed adoption and he had had no time to mentally prepare for a pup.

No, he was doing nothing wrong. He just needed one night of sleep. Just one uninterrupted night of sleep. It wasn’t a lot to ask for.

He shoved his earplugs in and flipped away from Eggsy. He didn’t deserve this. They could talk about it in the morning.

 

Harry woke up with a start, every muscle in his body tense. The clock read three thirty in the morning. He swore under his breath and jammed his eyes shut. He couldn’t hear anything so the earplugs seemed to be working. Eggsy must have just gotten out of bed and jostled him awake. He tried to go back to sleep, but something was _wrong_. He sighed and sat up. Clearly sleep was something that wasn’t going to happen, so he pulled the earplugs out and reached for his robe.

Sound flooded back and suddenly he could place the wrongness that had woken him. His omega was distressed. The earplugs had blocked out the muffled crying, but they couldn’t block the smell, even if he couldn't quite place it in his sleep.

He was out of the bed like a shot, looking for his husband. The scent of his omega’s distress took him out into the hallway. And the sounds of soft muffled sobs brought him up short outside of The Door. It brought him up short, his hands shaking and his chest feeling like it was two sizes too small. But he could hear Eggsy on the other side of the door and he couldn’t just leave him there.

He opened the door to reveal his husband kneeling in the center of the small blue rug, clutching a teddy bear to his face to try and muffle his sobs.

“Eggsy… Eggsy, love, what’s wrong?” He crossed the space between them and leaned down to wrap his omega in his arms, but Eggsy jerked away. Harry pulled his arms back like he’d been burned. He didn’t know how to fix this if he couldn’t hold Eggsy. He didn’t know how to fix anything if Eggsy wouldn’t let him touch him. “Eggsy, please tell me what’s wrong.”

Eggsy looked up at him, his eyes hard. “If you didn’t want children you should have said so in the first place.”

Harry couldn’t respond to that for a moment, could only blink owlishly at his very angry omega. “Where the hell did that come from?”

This was the Wrong Thing To Say, because Eggsy’s jaw set and his fist lashed out, catching Harry square in the chest. He fell over, too surprised by the outburst to catch himself. Which was probably good because he might have cracked a few ribs if he had tried to resist the momentum.

Eggsy was standing over him now, practically vibrating with rage. “What do you mean ‘where did that come from? ‘Arry, it’s been _weeks_ and you won’t even look at Jamie. I- I feel like a single parent. You should have said if you didn’t want-“

That got Harry moving. He rolled up from the floor with practiced ease, desk job be damned, and towered over his husband. “I _did_ say. I _said_ no. _You_ didn’t like that answer so I let it go. I _gave you what you wanted_. Why are you treating me like I’m a villain?”

Eggsy looked away, his eyes shining in the dim moonlight. “Did… did you give me what I wanted before, too?”

Harry didn’t know what Eggsy was trying to ask. And he didn’t know how to ask for clarification without getting punched again. Damn it, he hated when Eggsy was upset but there wasn’t anything he could do about it if the omega wouldn’t _talk_ to him.

Eggsy wiped at his face with his pajama sleeve and all of a sudden Harry had a chest full of sobbing omega. He wrapped his arms around him and instinctively held him close even though at this point he was very, very confused.

“Why d’ya never say his name?” Eggsy whispered into his chest. Harry sighed and tried to find the right words to explain why he couldn’t look at that baby. Why he couldn’t call it by name. But Eggsy looked up at him before he could find the words. “Why don’ we never talk ‘bout him?”

The realization that his omega wasn’t talking about the new baby hit him like a bullet. He couldn’t… his husband couldn’t possibly think- “Eggsy… do you think I didn’t want Michael?”

Eggsy’s face scrunched up and he turned back into Harry’s chest, as if those words strung together were too painful, even as a question.

“Eggsy, Eggsy, you must know that isn’t true!” He wanted to shake the man, to beat on something until he didn’t hurt anymore and Eggsy didn’t hurt anymore and their son was alive.

“But y’never _say_ anythin’. No’ even on his _birthday_. You never-“ He broke off on a sob and Harry tightened his grip, bringing a hand up to cradle his head. He buried his nose in his mate’s hair and tried to center himself.

“It hurts, Eggsy,” he whispered. “I wanted that baby so much. Don’t think for a second I didn’t want a family with you.” He pulled the omega away from him just a bit. He needed to see his face. Needed to make sure he understood. Eggsy avoided his gaze, but wrapped his hands around Harry’s wrists, like he was afraid Harry would cast him away.

“But you don’t want Jamie.” His voice got even quieter and Harry fought the urge to grip Eggsy so hard it would bruise and give him a hard shake.

“You didn’t give me a _chance_ to want him! You went on an _information retrieval mission_ and came back with a _baby_. You didn’t even tell Merlin you’d found him! Just waltzed off the plane with him. And then if I say no, I’m the bad guy.”

“…I thought you’d love him. I… I wanted-“

“I know, Eggsy, but… I don’t want to replace our son.”

Eggsy’s head shot up, “and you think I do?”

“Don’t you?”

Eggsy looked horrified. “Of course not!” He pulled away from Harry’s grasp and moved across the room, leaning against the empty crib. “I don’ want to forget our son. I never wanted that. But I do want… to move on. We’re stuck, ‘Arry.

“An’ when I saw tha’ little baby in tha’ bin, screamin’ his ‘ead off, it… it made me so mad. Someone had a perfect, healthy baby an’ just threw him away when we can’t… can’t…” Eggsy ran his hand over his face and took a harsh breath through his nose. “I saw him an’ thought… that he could be ours. Since I can’t… since I’m broken.”

“You are _not_ broken!” Harry crossed the distance between them and cradled Eggsy’s face in his hands. He couldn’t bare Eggsy thinking that.

“But I am, though. I killed our son-“

“Stop that.” Harry pressed a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “Stop it, you did not.” Eggsy folded into the embrace and suddenly Harry felt so tired. He didn’t want to do this right now. He never wanted to do this. He wished there was a way that he could make it so none of this had ever happened.

They stood there for a long time, just holding each other. Harry realized that they had done a lot of damage to each other, to their marriage, but what could he do at four in the morning? There wasn’t anything he could do, no pretty words he could say that would fix what they had broken.

So he did the only thing he could think of and gently pulled Eggsy out of the room and back into their bedroom. Eggsy didn’t resist as Harry maneuvered him into bed, and Harry felt a small spark of hope as they curled around each other.

“’Arry,” Eggsy whispered.

“Shh.” Harry ran his hand through Eggsy’s hair and tried to will him to sleep. They could deal with it in the morning.

“But it’s important.”

Harry grumbled, but he fixed his gaze on his mate and waited for him to talk.

“I don’ want you to think that I want to replace Michael. I miss our son, but if he had lived I still would have brought Jamie home and Michael would have been a big bruver. …Jamie isn’t a replacement, he’s an addition.”

Harry’s throat felt tight. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but he didn’t have to, because a tiny gurgling wail chose that moment to reverberate through the house.  
Eggsy sighed and started to roll out of bed, but Harry reached over and gently pulled him back. “Sleep,” he said when Eggsy turned back towards him with a questioning look, “I’ll get him.” The smile Eggsy gave him was a bit watery, but somehow it made it worth it as he extracted himself from the warm blankets and headed out to calm the crying baby.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only way is forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was harder to write than the others, but it felt really necessary. But this is the last majorly angsty chapter I have planned. After this we're going to get to some more fluffy family things. :)

Harry tapped his pen against his desk. He had gone through a large amount of paperwork today but he didn’t really feel like he had accomplished anything. He wanted to be home with Eggsy.

Breakfast that morning had been tense, neither of them had talked much about the night before and it worried him. He could easily see them going back to the way that they had been, but it was clear now that the way they had been before wasn’t good. He hasn’t been taking care of his omega the way he should have and he needed to change that. But he couldn’t do that here.

But he wasn’t sure he could do that at home, either. The baby took up a lot of Eggsy’s attention, as infants tended to do, but if they were actually going to work through these problems, they needed time alone.

Harry bit his cheek and tapped his pen harder. He knew how to fix that problem, at least. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

He went over a few more reports, signed off on a few mission requests, and firmly denied some tech requests from the research department before he broke down. He let out a half-hearted curse before hitting the com on his glasses.

“Merlin.”

“Arthur,” his old friend said coolly. Shit, he was still mad about his interns.

“I need a favor.”

“Do you now?” Shit, shit, shit.

“Look, I’m sorry about the interns. I may have been… a bit harsh.”

“You made Godwin shit himself.”

Harry snorted and tried to cover it up with a cough. He could practically feel Merlin’s glare and he didn’t need to make his second in command any angrier at him. “I… might have been out of line.”

“ _Might have _?!__ Harry, you’ve been an absolute terror.”

Harry sighed and rubbed at his forehead. “I know… I know. I’m trying to fix it, ok?” His question was met with silence and Harry fought the urge to slam his head on the desk. Was there a single relationship in his life that he hadn’t fucked up?

He didn’t have long to contemplate his new status as a social pariah, because his door opened shortly after. Merlin walked in and shut the door behind him gently, coming to sit in front of Harry’s desk, his arms crossed.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Harry pressed his hands together and leaned his head on his fists. “I should have told Eggsy no.”

Merlin snorted. “About what, exactly? Because I can think of at least half a dozen times you should have told him no.”

“About the _baby_ , Merlin.”

“Ah,” Merlin’s face shifted to something more serious and somehow it made Harry want to sink through the floor. What kind of awful person was he that he didn’t want to give a home to a helpless child? “Well it’s a bit late for that one. Eggsy seems fairly attached.”

Harry winced. “Yes, I am aware.” He looked at his friend from across the desk and tried to organize his thoughts. Merlin didn’t say anything. One of the reasons they had maintained a friendship for so long was because Merlin always seemed to know when Harry needed time to think.

He knew he had a tendency to bottle things up, to downplay things that he shouldn’t. It had gotten him cornered in medical more times than he could count. But he wasn’t going to fix anything if he wasn’t honest, and as much as he hated to admit it, he did need to fix things with Merlin, as well as Eggsy.

“I… never really dealt with Michael’s death,” he said after what felt like forever.

“I figured as much,” Merlin said gently, “I did tell you to talk to someone.”

Harry grumbled and leaned back in his chair, like he could physically distance himself from the feelings. “Yes, well, I didn’t. Clearly. And I thought that I was taking care of Eggsy by not talking about it, but… that… is not the case.”

Merlin nodded in understanding, no pity or judgement in his face or body language. “That’s your problem, Harry.” He paused and waited for Harry to look at him questioningly before continuing. “You’re too old fashioned. You might be the alpha, but you and Eggsy are supposed to be _partners_. He can take care of you, too. Eggsy is more than capable.”

Merlin was right, damn it. He was treating his husband like a child that needed to be protected when he was anything but. This was their pain. It was time they started sharing it.

“I want to fix that. But… I need a little help.” He gave his best disarming smile, but Merlin’s eyes narrowed instantly. He knew him too well.

“What?”

“Could you babysit?” Merlin raised an eyebrow and Harry pressed on before Merlin could properly object. He explained what he wanted to do and why he really couldn’t do it with the baby there.

Merlin growled, but it was a half-hearted gesture. Merlin had never been very alpha. “This isn’t going to be a regular thing, Harry.”

“Of course not.”

“I’m not free childcare.”

“Certainly not.”

“I don’t even like kids.”

“Don’t tell Eggsy. I won’t be able to save you if you do.”

Merlin snorted and stood from the chair. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He gestured towards the door and Harry rose to follow him. It might not be the best idea to begin this without giving Eggsy a warning, but he wasn’t sure he would have the strength to do it later.

 

Harry opened the door to his house with trepidation. The only reason his hands didn’t shake was because he had a lifetime of training to keep them steady. Merlin hung back, waiting.

“Eggsy?” He called out cautiously.

“’Arry? Yer home early.”

Harry followed Eggsy’s voice to the sitting room and found him getting up from the floor where he had been sitting. The baby gurgled from where he was laying on the floor and Eggsy quickly pushed a mobile toy over him before he stood all the way up.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, his eyes darting between Harry and Merlin behind him.

“Of course love,” Harry said quickly. “It’s just…” Eggsy reached out a hand to him and Harry took it gratefully, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Is Merlin come to babysit, then?” Eggsy asked, giving the two alphas a nervous smile. Harry’s heart swelled with pride. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Eggsy had figured out why Merlin was here, he was a spy after all, but the fact that he had figured it out so quickly was gratifying.

Harry nodded and Merlin took that as his cue to come forward. He nodded at Eggsy as he scooped the baby up. “The wee ‘un and I’ll just nip down to the chip shop for a bit. We’ll be expecting a phone call when you two are done.” He nodded at them both one last time before heading back out the door.

As the front door clicked shut, Eggsy turned his attention back to Harry, worrying at his lip. “We’re gonna talk now, yeah?”

Harry pulled his mate close and pressed a kiss to his temple. Maybe it was selfish, but he needed the closeness. “I was thinking about what you said,” he murmured against Eggsy’s hair. “And… I think you’re right.” Eggsy turned in his arms and looked up at him questioningly so he pressed another quick kiss to the wrinkles between Eggsy’s brows before he continued. “We… should go through Michael’s room.”

Eggsy stiffened instantly. Harry didn’t let go, but he tried to hold on loose enough that Eggsy could pull away if he needed to. He didn’t want Eggsy to feel trapped.

He did pull away, but not far enough to completely leave the circle of Harry’s arms. “Would- would we get rid of everything?”

“No, no my dear. But we can’t keep avoiding it. We can’t keep pretending that it isn’t there.”

“But… what will we do with the room? I can’t turn it into a guest room or summat, ‘Arry, I can’t!” Eggsy broke away from Harry now, breathing hard. Harry resisted the urge to close the gap between them.

“I was thinking we could turn it into a sort of reading room. I saw something… well, Merlin showed me something where a couple turned their child’s crib into a bench… to commemorate him. If that would be something you would like.”

Eggsy looked at him with something akin to awe. Which, if he was entirely honest with himself, was a little insulting. He could have good ideas.

“Are you sure?” Eggsy asked after a minute, still looking like he didn’t quite believe Harry would go through with it.

He nodded and gently pulled Eggsy towards the stairs. His chest felt tight, but they needed to do this. And he wasn’t sure he’d have the strength later.  
Eggsy followed him up the stairs and together they stood in front of their son’s door. Harry took a deep breath and reached for the handle. It felt like he should be the one who opened the door, he had been the one to shut it.

“’Arry, wait.” Eggsy reached out and stopped his hand, looking up at him with wide eyes. “We don’ have to do this.”

“We can’t keep living in the past, Eggsy.” Harry pursed his lips and turned his attention back to the door. “Michael would have outgrown a lot of the things in there by this time anyway.”

Eggsy made a pained hiccoughing noise but he nodded, resting his hand on top of Harry’s and together they pushed open the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin babysits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this wasn't the chapter that I was planning to update next, but PresentingComplicated brought to my attention that I... forgot to have Merlin grab a diaper bag. XD I'm pretty sure I thought about it, but it didn't quite happen. But the thought of it gave me an idea and I just had to run with it. so, I've got to thank you Presenting, this chapter wouldn't exist without you!
> 
> And thanks to everyone else for all the views and kudos, and of course the comments! I love them all. 
> 
> I'm going to try and shift over to updating once a week because as much as I love throwing a chapter up as soon as it's finished, I want to give you guys actual quality content... which would be easier if I edit. And also because I actually sat down and wrote out all of the things I wanted to write for this fic and... it's gonna be long, guys. Like, really long. So I'm gonna do my best to pace myself. I hope you all keep enjoying this story!

Merlin nibbled at his chips and looked down at his young charge in his arms. Jamie looked up at him with wide eyes, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He was sort of cute, but Merlin wasn’t going to be drawn in. The stupid baby had already let him down once today by not being able to hold up his stupid head. He had planned on putting him in one of those baby chairs once they got to the shop, but the silly child had no neck muscles yet.

“Oh, what a lovely baby!” a woman said, leaning much too far into Merlin’s personal space to get a look at the baby. She cooed at Jamie, who started to wiggle in Merlin’s arms. Merlin was focusing on not killing the woman, but she wasn’t the first person to stop and coo over Jamie and if he killed everyone who needed to fuss over the baby, he’d leave a swath of bodies so large even Kingsman wouldn’t be able to cover it up.

The woman ceased her inane babbling and finally stood up. Merlin was expecting her to continue on her way, but she looked around his table, her nose wrinkling. “Where’s his pram?”

Merlin’s eye twitched. 

“I doubt I need a pram to take my godson on a short walk.” He might have been assuming a bit with the godson comment, but nephew didn’t sound quite right. And who else would they ask, really? 

His tone must have been enough to convey how much he wanted her to go away, because she made a dismissive noise before doing just that. He could still feel her eyes on him, though, judging. 

So what if he had forgotten the pram? It wasn’t like it was vital. He could just hold the damned baby until he got the call from Harry. 

Jamie whimpered, his face scrunching up as he turned his face towards Merlin’s chest. Merlin frowned down at the baby, trying to figure out what was wrong, when Jamie’s whimpers ratchetted up to a full blown wail. 

Merlin started at the sound of it. How could something so tiny make such a loud noise? He tried bouncing him gently and making hushing noises, but it did nothing. He looked around frantically, hoping to find a clue as to what upset the child. People were starting to stare.

“He might need changing, bruv, A young man up by the counter said. Merlin wouldn’t normally trust some random person off the street, especially when they were dressed like Eggsy used to. No offense to Eggsy of course, but anyone who thought that baggy clothes and trainers with wings on them were suitable attire was suspect in Merlin’s opinion. He just couldn’t trust the judgement of someone with such bad fashion sense. But it was a good suggestion, and the young man had kept his distance, so he was currently Merlin’s favorite person in this shop.

“Ah, yes, thank you.” Merlin looked around the floor for the bag with the nappies in it and felt his heart drop when he realized it wasn’t there. He was sure he had grabbed it when he left. He quickly scanned the area, looking for someone who might have taken it. No one stood out and slowly he had to accept that he had forgotten the changing bag.

He stood quickly and left the shop with the squalling infant. The logical thing to do would be to simply run back to the Hart household and grab the nappies, and probably the pram. But he was reluctant to do so. He knew that Harry and Eggsy had a lot to deal with, and he was sure to walk in on either feelings or sex.

He hated feelings. He hated sex even more. It was, quite honestly, disgusting. And a distraction he felt that more people could do without. But from what he understood of relationships, it was normal to have sex after a fight, and Harry and Eggsy had been fighting for a while. No, going back to the house would only end badly. 

But the baby was still screaming, and he needed to do something. Merlin looked up and down the street before coming to a decision. He would just go buy some nappies. Simple.  
He walked to the nearest store as quickly as he could, still trying to calm Jamie. The child wouldn’t be calmed and Merlin was edging towards frazzled by the time he reached the store. He practically ran to the baby aisle with Jamie pressed to his chest. 

He was planning on grabbing the first package he saw but that wasn’t going to work. There were just too many kinds. Did Eggsy care what brand Jamie wore? And what about sizes? Did Jamie need baby dry nappies or did he need the active fit ones? He certainly wiggled around enough.

He stared at the selection with wide eyes until one of the store associates came up to him. “Need help finding something, sir?”

Merlin whipped around to look at the girl, his eyes wild. “I don’t know what kind of nappies he needs.”

The girl smiled understandingly. “First time alone with the baby?” 

Merlin could tell by her tone that she thought he was Jamie’s father, but he didn’t have the energy to correct her so he simply nodded. 

“Do you know what brand you usually use?”

“No, ah, I never noticed.”

The sales girl hummed thoughtfully and grabbed a package off the shelf. “Well these should fit him. And it’s a pretty popular brand, so it should be ok.”

Merlin took the package and muttered a grateful thank you before nearly sprinting to the check out. He paid for the nappies faster than he had ever done anything in his life. He rushed into the bathroom and laid the screaming infant onto the changing table.

He struggled with the package of nappies for a minute before he got one out and got the old nappy off. It was a little wet, but it hardly seemed bad enough to warrant such carrying on. 

He buttoned everything up and lifted the baby up off of the changing table. “There now,” he said calmly and absolutely did not coo. “That should be better.”

Jamie hadn’t stopped screaming and Merlin had moved from frazzled to helpless. What was he supposed to do? 

He was about three seconds from breaking down and crying himself when an omega came into the bathroom. Merlin had a strong urge to hiss at the male but he restrained himself.

The omega looked over at them. “That is one hungry baby,” he said as he passed by them on his way to the toilets. 

Merlin pursed his lips and counted to ten. Food. Right, he could do that.

He headed back to the baby aisle and picked up some bottles and grabbed the first formula he saw made for infants. He didn’t have time to figure out which one would be best, he needed this baby to stop crying now. 

He went back up to the check out and ignored the look the cashier gave him as he put his new items up on the counter. “Do you have a break room I could use to make up a bottle?”

“Uh… I’m not sure… I can… call a manager?” 

“Please do.” Merlin knew the cashier was just a kid, sixteen if he was a day, so it wouldn’t do to terrify him, but he really wanted to reach across the counter and throttle him.

He flicked on his little light and they stood there for what felt like eternity while they waited for a manager. Merlin jiggled Jamie out of sheer desperation, but it didn’t do anything. The little baby was now about as red as a tomato and Merlin was starting to worry that he was going to have a stroke or something, the veins on his forehead were bulged out so far.

The manager finally arrived and Merlin might have fainted from relief, it was an omega woman. Surely she would help him. The cashier explained his request and the manager turned to him, pity in her eyes, and Merlin felt like the floor had dropped out from under him. 

“I’m sorry sir, I’d let you use our break room, but you need to sterilize those bottles before you use them and we don’t have a stove.”

Merlin’s lip might have wiggled. Might have. 

“Alright, thank you.” He rushed out of the store with his bags and tried to pull his phone out of his pocket.

He would take the kid home at this point, awkwardness be damned, but he was actually closer to Roxy’s flat at this point. And he needed to get this baby food now or he was going to kill someone.

He managed to get his phone out without dropping his bags or the baby and quickly dialed Roxy’s number. It didn’t matter if she answered, he had the keys to every knights home and he was going to her flat whether she was home or not. But it would be horribly rude to show up on her doorstep with a screaming child without so much as a phone call.

The phone went straight to voicemail and Merlin swore. One thing, he just wanted one thing to go right. He picked up his pace and practically ran down the street. He ducked into Roxy’s garden and yanked the keys out of his pocket with more force than necessary. He jammed the key into the lock and nearly pushed the door off its hinges.

He burst into the flat and came face to face with the barrel of Roxy’s gun. He growled and twisted to move Jamie out of the way of the weapon without stopping his forward momentum towards the kitchen.

“Merlin?” Roxy yelled, holstering her weapon. “What the hell?”

“Hold the baby or make the formula, I cannae do both.” 

Roxy blinked at him in confusion but came over and plucked the screaming child from him. She put her finger in his mouth and he stopped crying instantly, biting down on the digit. Merlin glared at her and pulled the bottles and formula out of the bag.

“I ask again, what the hell?”

“The babe’s hungry.”

“I can see that.” Roxy leaned against the wall and gave him an exasperated look. “Why do you have him in the first place?”

“Harry asked me to watch him so he and Eggsy could work through their issues.”

Roxy snorted. “So you’ve adopted him, then?”

Merlin glared at her from where he was pouring water into a pot to boil and didn’t dignify that with a response.

Roxy watched him struggle with the bottle package for a minute before saying, “You know Eggsy uses the ready-made stuff, right? There’s some in the fridge. Jamie’ll only drink it cold.”

Merlin felt something in his brain snap. Fuckin’ agents never tell him important information when he needs it. This child was going to be the death of him, he could tell.

Roxy seemed to realize that she had broken him, because she went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle, giving it a quick shake before sticking it into the fussing baby’s mouth. He sucked on it like he had never been fed in his whole life. Merlin glared at them both before leaving the kitchen and collapsing onto Roxy’s couch.

Roxy followed him and sat down on in an armchair, trying hard not to grin at his distress. “So…” she said after a moment, “why do you have a key to my flat?”

Merlin regarded her for a moment before saying “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” 

“It died, sue me.” She shrugged and settled back deeper into the chair, adjusting the baby. “Why do you have a key to my flat?”

“I have a key to every knights’ flat. Standard procedure.” Roxy gave him an incredulous look and he sighed. “There were… incidents. It’s easier to have a key than to break down a door. Especially the door of a Kingsman. We tend to be a paranoid lot.”

“Well that’s comforting,” Roxy said, sarcasm dripping from every word.

Merlin hummed in agreement and shut his eyes, just enjoying the silence. 

He was never babysitting again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over the river and through the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, Lord, bronchitis is not conducive to writing. No sir. But I'm recovering (finally) so next week's chapter shouldn't be as hard to get out. 
> 
> And I know I said we were moving out of the angst but this chapter turned out a liiiitle more angsty than I intended. But I promise, fluff is coming.

“Eggsy, love, I think that’s everything.” Harry stood by helplessly holding the baby while his husband tried to stuff yet _another_ bag into the car.

“Do you think we have enough nappies?” Eggsy turned to him with honest concern on his face.

Harry looked at the changing bag stuffed to the brim with diapers, wipes, extra bottles and formula. And then at the extra packages of diapers, they must have had at least a hundred. “God, I hope so.”

“Be serious, ‘Arry.”

“I _am_. We’re only going to be gone for the weekend, Eggsy. Don’t you think this is… a bit much?”

“An’ here I thought a gentleman was always prepared.” Eggsy crossed his arms and frowned at Harry, his expression edging dangerously close to a pout.

“There may be such a thing as _over_ preparation, love. We can always go and pick something up if we need it.”

Eggsy looked back at the car and chewed at his bottom lip. “Well… I guess we need to go then.”

Harry sighed in relief and moved to finally put the baby in his car seat. But when he opened the door he was forced to pause. “Eggsy?” His mate turned and looked at him questioningly. “Where’s the car seat?”

Eggsy paled and looked into the backseat. “Shit.”

Harry fought to stifle a snicker. “At least you didn’t forget the baby.”

“Fuck off,” Eggsy said as he moved back towards the house to get the car seat they had yet to install.

“None of that now,” Harry chided, still trying to hold back the laughter in his voice. “We need to hurry. We don’t want to keep your mother waiting, after all.”

 

After the events of V-Day and Eggsy’s confrontation with Dean, Michelle and Daisy had moved out to the country. Eggsy had wanted them to move in with him, but Michelle had been adamant. She hadn’t wanted Eggsy to feel like he had to care for Daisy. And she had wanted to get away from the city. Give Daisy space to play and grow away from the city. She wanted her girl to grow up with some green in her life, and Eggsy had agreed wholeheartedly. He always wanted the best for his sister.

So Eggsy had Kingsman arrange a house for her, it was the least they could do after he routed a traitor from their ranks and saved the world.

The house they had finally found was a beautiful brick house with a wonderful garden. Michelle insisted that it was too large for just her and Daisy, and she would probably object even more if she knew how much it cost, but it was surrounded by the countryside and the house was so, so beautiful, she couldn’t resist.

To be fair, the house _was_ too big. Michelle had no reason for two receiving rooms and a dining room _and_ a breakfast nook. But Harry was sure that Michelle would find a use for the space, and really it was the land surrounding the house that had sold it. It was surrounded by country, and the river Avon was just a short walk away. It’s the perfect place for a child to run around and explore.

The only problem with the house was it was just outside Bath. Which meant that it was about a two hour drive. Harry hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal, but no. Apparently an infant cannot, in fact, spend two hours quietly in the back of a car.

The baby needed changing, the baby needed feeding, the baby was just damned tired of being in his car seat. Harry, quite frankly, was getting tired of being in such a small space with a tiny human scream box. He didn’t even have the pleasure of Eggsy’s company, because at one point his husband had climbed into the back seat to be with the baby. He had jammed his elbow into Harry’s head and nearly caused a wreck while he did, so they both decided it was better for everyone involved if Eggsy stayed where he was.

So Harry was alone in the front, he couldn’t even turn on music because the baby had finally, _finally_ , fallen asleep and he didn’t want to risk it.

But it was ok, because they were almost there. And then he wouldn’t have to be in the damned car again. At least until it was time to go home.

He wondered if Merlin would object to sending a helicopter to collect them.

Probably. The bastard.

 

When they finally pulled up in front of the house, the baby had woken up and was starting to fuss again. Harry couldn’t be happier to see the vine covered building. He didn’t even bother trying to get into the garage, just pulled up in front of the door and threw the car in park.

He practically threw himself out of the damned thing. He didn’t care what Merlin said, next time they were taking a freaking plane. What was the point of heading up a secret spy organization if he couldn’t misuse resources every once and a while?

Eggsy got out a little more calmly and moved around to unstrap the baby. Harry was already at the boot unloading their luggage. He needed to move. Humans weren’t meant to sit still for so long.

Dasiy must have been watching for them from the window because the little girl flew out of the door towards her big brother. Eggsy had gotten the baby’s straps undone, but he paused to spin around and scoop up his baby sister before she could barrel into his legs.

“Hello, my lil flowah! Look how big you’ve grown!”

Daisy giggled and hugged his neck tight before turning her attention to the car. “Is tha’ the baby?” She leaned over in Eggsy’s arms to try and get a better look into the car.  
“Yeah, that’s my Jamie. What do you think about being an aunty?”

Daisy giggled again and buried her face in his shoulder. Harry stopped unloading to look at the sight the pair made. Eggsy was so good with Daisy and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

Michelle had come out of the house and crossed over to her son and daughter, wrapping Eggsy in a hug before taking Daisy from him so he could finish getting the baby out of the car, cooing over the baby the whole time.

Harry gathered as many bags as he could and started towards the house, nodding at Michelle as he passed. He didn’t want to interrupt their family time, but if he stayed still for much longer he was going to start shooting things.

Michelle caught sight of him loaded down with bags and laughed before she could stop herself. “Did you pack enough?”

“There’s more in the car. Your son seems to think we’re going on an expedition to Antarctica.” Actually, he had been on a mission to Antarctica and he hadn’t needed nearly this much. Eggsy stuck his tongue out at him and Harry smirked before continuing to lug the bags inside.

When he came back down from the guest room, Eggsy and Michelle had settled into the sitting room with the little ones. They had Daisy on the couch between them with the baby placed carefully in her lap. The five year old was looking down at the infant in wonder, and it was one of the cutest things he had ever seen.

“Harry,” Michelle called when she saw him hovering by the doorway, “come sit down.”

“There’s still a few more bags in the car.”

“They’ll wait, come sit.” She pat the chair next to her and Harry reluctantly conceded. Eggsy smiled at him apologetically and he tried to smile reassuringly back, but it probably came out more as a grimace. Eggsy knew how much Harry hated being still. Even at HQ he had to take breaks from paperwork to walk around, do weapons tests, check with the techs, anything that allowed him to remind himself that he wasn’t actually retired.

“Mum was just telling me about her Etsy.”

“Oh, yes?” Harry had no idea what that was.

“It’s going really well,” Michelle gushed, her eyes lighting up. “I turned that other sitting room into a work room. I’ve been making little hats and coats for kids. They’ve actually been selling really well.”

“That’s fantastic, Michelle!” He still didn’t know what an Etsy was, but it seemed to have something to do with Michelle starting her own business, which was excellent news.  
Michelle waved away his praise, but he could tell she was pleased.

“Well, it’s just a little thing, but let’s talk about you and why you’ve waited so long to bring my grandson to visit.” She turned to Eggsy with a playful frown. Eggsy laughed nervously and leaned over his sister to check on the baby.

“Well it’s a bit of a drive for a baby, yeah?” Eggsy said nervously.

Michelle said something back and plucked the baby from her daughter’s lap, but Harry couldn’t hear. He felt like he had been electrocuted but he didn’t dare show it. He and Eggsy were just starting to patch things up and he didn’t want to fight again. He knew Eggsy loved this baby, but just because Harry had agreed to keep him didn’t mean he was their son.

But this was for Eggsy. He could deal with it for Eggsy.

 

Dinner was a pleasant affair. Miss Daisy regaled them all with tales from her new school and new friends. Michelle fussed over the baby and he seemed to enjoy the attention so he was content to kick and gurgle for the whole meal.

Harry found himself in the spacious kitchen afterwards, doing the washing with Michelle while Eggsy put his sister and the baby to bed.

They worked together in silence for a while, but Harry should have known it wouldn’t last.

“Are you alright, Harry?” Michelle asked quietly after a moment.

“Of course, why do you ask?” He kept his voice light but Michelle gave him some of the worst side eye he had ever received.

“I can tell when an alpha’s angry, Harry. Even when they don’t show it.”

Harry felt his face heat with shame. He should have considered Michelle’s alpha sensitivity. He floundered for something to say, an apology or a reassurance, but nothing came to mind.

“Is it the new baby?” Michelle asked after a moment of tense silence. “I know it can be difficult to bring home a new baby, especially after…”

“Yes, well. It might have been easier if we had discussed it beforehand.” Harry was almost surprised by the bitterness in his voice. He had thought he was getting over this. Michelle looked at him questioningly, so he elaborated. Michelle would probably figure it out herself eventually anyway. “Eggsy may have found him in a garbage bin and… grew attached quickly.

Michelle blinked in surprise. “But… you must have talked about adopting?”

Harry shook his head and scrubbed at the plate in his hand with more force than strictly necessary.

Michelle stood speechless for a moment before sighing. “Oh, Eggsy,” she murmured. It made Harry feel just a bit better. He had been starting to feel like he was just some kind of asshole for being upset about this.

Michelle put a hand on his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you.”

Harry turned to her. “Whatever for?”

“For trying. What Eggsy did wasn’t right, but you’ve stuck with ‘em. Not a lot of alphas would. You’ve been good for ‘em, really.”

Harry smiled and looked back down at the dish in his hands. “He’s been good for me as well. I truly wouldn’t know what to do without him.”

Michelle gave his arm one more squeeze before turning back to her drying. “You’ll work it out. Just be careful, Harry. Even babies can tell when they aren’t wanted.”

Harry frowned at that. Surely an infant couldn’t tell the emotions of its caregiver so long as the proper care was given. No, it didn’t matter how Harry felt right now. And even if it did, the baby had Eggsy. That would be more than enough.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha -.- I dropped, like, two weeks. But on the bright side, I've caught up with my homework and now own a new car! (well, new to me. But it's still pretty nice.) I'd like to say that it won't happen again but... life occasionally likes to ruin our fun, and I've got to go see someone about gradschool. maybe.
> 
> But the new chapter is here! And I'm probably the happiest about it because this is one of the chapters I've actually been wanting to write since the beginning. This chapter is one of the ideas that spawned this whole mess. I actually had to cut it in two because it was getting longer than I wanted...
> 
> So! I hope you enjoy it, and I hope I don't have to miss anymore updates!

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Eggsy asked for the hundredth time as he fussed with his tie. Harry sighed and moved over to his husband, batting his hands away to fix the mess he had made of the knot.

“I imagine I’ll live,” Harry said dryly. Truthfully, he was worried about Eggsy leaving. It was his first mission in months. But Eggsy was an excellent agent, he belonged out on the field. He took a step away to admire his work, Eggsy looking wonderful in his new suit.

“Are you sure? I don’t have to go now.”

“Eggsy-“

“You could send Percival, it’d be fine.”

“ _Eggsy _-"__

_"_ Maybe later when Jamie’s older we can-"

“ _Eggsy_!” Harry reached out and grabbed his mate’s shoulders, squeezing them gently to get his attention. “I will be _fine_. It’s a short mission and I have Merlin _and_ Ms. Morton here should I need assistance. Not to mention I can call you.”

Eggsy smiled hesitantly at him before looking down at his hands. Harry moved his grip from his shoulders to envelope those hands, trying to reassure his mate. Eggsy took a deep breath and raised his eyes back up to meet Harry’s. “I know you _can_ watch ‘em. But do you _want_ to? You’ve been tryin’ really hard, and I appreciate it, but I don’t want to force you to do something you’re not ready for.”

The ‘again’ went unsaid but Harry heard it anyway. He smiled and gently kissed Eggsy’s forehead.

“It’s fine, love. I’d tell you if it wasn’t.”

Eggsy looked at him like he didn’t quite believe him, but he didn’t object. Harry pulled away from the embrace to let his mate finish getting ready. Eggsy needed to be at headquarters soon for his departure.

 

Harry and Eggsy had decided to say their goodbyes at the house instead of on the tarmac. Eggsy worried that if Jamie was there when he was taking off, he wouldn’t be able to go through with it. Harry just didn’t want to get in the habit of bringing the baby to headquarters. It would, of course, be easier to bring him to work, but there was no telling when he would be old enough to start making lasting memories. And they certainly wouldn’t be able to bring him once he went to school and had friends of his own. If Harry knew anything, it was that children cannot be expected to keep a secret.

So it was better in the long run for Harry to simply work from home when they didn’t have another babysitter. It would save them quite a bit of hassle later.

Once Eggsy had left, Harry scooped up the baby and headed up to his office. Eggsy had gotten one of those swinging chairs and Harry quickly buckled the child into it. He was about four months now, and rather enjoyed swinging. Though when Eggsy put him in the chair he squealed like he had just been given the best gift ever; when Harry did it he just looked at him with wide eyes and babbled a bit.

He put the chair where he could keep an eye out and then set to work. It seemed like it would be a decently easy day. There were a few mission dossiers to go through and make decisions on. It was unfortunate that Kingsman couldn’t take on every mission that presented itself, but they simply didn’t have the manpower. So it was his job to go through and figure out which ones were worth their time.

He was making fair progress when his glasses beeped. He answered them distractedly, half expecting it to be Eggsy asking after the baby, but it was merlin’s voice that filtered through the earpiece.

“We need you to come in, Arthur,” his old friend said, his voice tense.

“I can’t, Merlin. I’ve got the baby today.”

“I know, but we need you here. The lad won’t remember anything from one day. Josef is here.”

Josef Beutel was the head of their German division and a particularly nasty little man. All the branches of Kingsman were united under the banner of Arthur, and Beutel had been hoping to move in to take the spot, never mind that it had always been a field agent who ascended to the throne. And he wasn’t above a bit of… pettiness.

“Fuck,” he bit out, gathering his paperwork. He couldn’t stay home now. Beutel would swear it was a personal slight and he would get tied down in a political battle for who knows how long. As annoying as it was, Beutel actually had some clout with the other members of Kingsman. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Understood.” Merlin disconnected and Harry finished haphazardly shoving his papers into his briefcase. He leaned down to unstrap the baby, who had a death grip on the little tray part of the chair.

“Fuah!” he shouted, smacking the tray. It brought Harry up short, and he looked down at the little boy in something very close to horror. He was completely speechless for a moment before he gathered himself and continued to unbuckle the child.

“If that is your first word, I’m blaming it on your papa,” he said as they headed out of the office and towards headquarters.

 

The fact that they both managed to get to headquarters in one piece was a bit of a miracle. Carrying a wiggly baby and a briefcase seemed to be a specialized skill he had not yet attained. So he was a little disheveled by the time he made it through the door. He had to get to his office, fix his hair, fix his _suit_ , find someone to watch the baby, and _then_ find Beutel.

So, of course, Josef was right outside the shuttle doors.

Harry fought down the urge to let loose the most colorful curses he knew and plastered on a smile as he pulled the baby’s hand away from his glasses for the hundredth time.  
“Josef, I was just coming to find you. We weren’t expecting you.”

“Well, some of my branch’s requests haven’t been receiving the attention they deserve. I figured I would come in person and figure out what was going on. I think now I see, _Arthur_.”

The slimy git gave him a nasty smile and the baby held onto Harry’s lapels tighter. Harry held onto him tighter in turn while giving Beutel the exact same smile. “Yes, well, there are certain readjustments one has to make when they expand their family. Of course, you wouldn’t understand that.” His smile turned a little more genuine as Beutel’s face soured.

“Yes, well,” Beutel repeated, his voice nasal, “if the joys of fatherhood are going to distract from your duties as Arthur, perhaps you should step down.”

“Fatherhood is hardly distracting me. Your requests had actually just crossed my desk when I had to stop work to come down and welcome our surprise visitor.” Harry looked pointedly at Beutel, but the man wasn’t squirming quite enough for his liking, so he pressed on. “Unfortunately, here at headquarters we have to do things in the order in which they are submitted. Now, I don’t know how you went about things under Chester King, but from this point on, you’ll have to wait your turn, just like everyone else. If that is going to be a problem, perhaps you should step down.”

Harry watched with immense satisfaction as Beutel turned a very interesting shade of red and pushed his way past them and into the shuttle. He stood stock still as the doors hissed shut and the shuttled pulled away.

The baby twisted around to watch him go. “Gabthhh.” He said over Harry’s shoulder, ending in a rather impressive raspberry.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Harry held the boy closer to him and walked into headquarters. It would be stupid to go back home now.

 

Harry had gotten quite a bit of work done by the time Merlin came by his office, so Harry had no problems setting his work aside for his friend for a minute.

“I see you gave in about bringing Jamie into work.”

Harry glanced over to make sure the boy was still sleeping in his chair. “Well, it isn’t like he’ll remember it,” he said with a shrug. “No point in being obsessively secretive before it’s needed.”

“He might remember more than you think.” Merlin gave him a meaningful look and Harry scoffed. What could a four month old possibly remember?

Merlin sighed and shook his head. “You should take this time to bond with the lad. He won’t be little forever.”

“And how, exactly, does one bond with an infant?”

“By doing whatever the hell you want.” Merlin leaned forward and fixed Harry with his serious face. “Harry, they’re only little for a short time. Soon you might want to go to the natural history museum and he’ll want to go to the park. You might want to go to a symphony and he’ll want to go to Disney On Ice. Guess which one you’ll be attending?”

Harry kept his face neutral, but he was a bit worried by this dismal picture of his future Merlin was painting. Surely it wouldn’t be that bad. Older children were easier than babies. He just had to bide his time until the boy could _talk_ and then they could bond.

“Harry, you are the one in a position to shape this boy. Eggsy’s going to be gone often, and _you_ are going to be Jamie’s main caregiver. So you should maybe start to attach.”

Harry looked down to the sleeping little boy next to him. He watched the rise and fall of his chest for a minute before responding to Merlin. “What do I even like to do that doesn’t involve shooting things?”

Merlin snorted. “Well, he’s a bit young to take out to the shooting range, but there’s nothing wrong with starting there.” He leaned back in his chair with a shrug. “Let’s be honest, Harry, he’s a Kingsman. You won’t be able to keep him away.”

Harry made a noncommittal noise. “I’ll think about it.”

Merlin nodded like that was enough and headed out of the office. Harry almost felt lonely as he left. He should spend more time with his friends, well, friend, more outside of work. Maybe if he did he would be able to think of a way to bond that didn’t involve hand grenades.

But babies are sensitive things, and he must have been _staring_ too hard because the boy woke up. And the thing about this particular child is that he didn’t wake up like a normal person. There was nothing gradual about it, no snuffling or half-awake movements. He was asleep, and then he was awake. And he was screaming.

“Alright, alright.” Harry got up and scooped him up. “There’s no need to carry on like that.” His voice was soft and the boy soon quieted down to grouchy whimpers.

Fairly certain that he wasn’t going to be disturbing anyone now, he quickly cleared off his desk for a makeshift changing table. He found that caring for an infant greatly decreased ones sensitivity to germs. With that taken care of everyone in the room was much less grouchy, but Harry figured it was best to head home for the day. He needed an environment he could control if he wanted to have any hope of getting the boy to take his second nap of the day. An event, Eggsy assured him, was absolutely essential. It was also about time for his lunch, and Harry had neglected to grab any bottles in his rush out the door.

So he packed up his things and headed back towards the shuttle. It was a little frustrating, he felt like this trip into the office had been a massive waste of time. Although taking Beutel down a peg or two would always be worth it.

He couldn’t get Merlin’s words out of his head. He supposed he should make more of an effort. He was going to be this child’s father figure, after all. His first introduction into how an alpha should treat him. And it wasn’t like the boy had even done anything wrong.

But he had absolutely no idea how to _bond_. Except perhaps over some children’s cartoon. Though he didn’t know any of the current shows. Maybe he could find an old copy of _The Perils of Penelope Pitstop_ ; that had always been one of his favorites as a child.

The shuttle pulled to a stop and Harry moved quickly into the shop. He took a deep breath of the comforting smell of new suits and headed towards the door with a nod to Dagonet as always. The tailor tipped his head from where he was straightening the tie section. Harry had always liked Dagonet, the man could make an excellent suit. And there was very little that Harry liked more than an excellent suit.

Harry was halfway out the door when he stopped short. “Dagonet?” He turned around and looked back at the tailor who had stopped fixing the display. “How small can you make a suit?”

Dagonet looked at him in confusion. “As small as the person needs, sir. That’s… how a bespoke suit works.”

“Can you make one to fit a baby?”

The smile that spread across Dagonet’s face could have split it in half. “Shall it be a proper Kingsman suit, sir?”

“Of course.” He moved over to the counter as Dagonet reached for his tape measure. Together they managed to take the measurements and pick out the material for a very smart suit.

“I should be able to have it ready by tomorrow, sir.”

“Wonderful. We’ll pick it up on our way into the office.” He saved his tie from being chewed on without looking and turned back towards the exit. “Come along, James, I believe it’s time to eat.”

Jamie looked up at him with a gummy smile and held onto his lapels tightly as they left the shop. Harry wasn’t inclined to make him let go.


	8. Chapter 8

“And _these_ are your itty bitty oxfords.” Harry held up the tiny shoes for Jamie’s inspection. “They should go wonderfully with your new suit. They don’t have the poisoned blade, of course. But I imagine you’ll graduate to that soon enough. Perhaps once you’ve turned five.”

Jamie babbled seriously and reached his hands out for the shoes. Harry surrendered them and watched as the baby promptly shoved one in his mouth.

“Yes, I, too, like the taste of patent leather, but you’ve already had your dinner.” Harry gently removed the shoe from Jamie’s mouth and set them down on the dresser. Jamie looked positively scandalized and Harry had to fight the urge to laugh.

Harry had been trying to engage with the baby all afternoon, and it had turned out to be fairly entertaining. James was an incredibly expressive baby, and seeing his reactions to perfectly mundane things was highly amusing.

But as much fun as he and the boy were having, it was edging towards ten o’clock, and he really needed to get him to bed. So they moved away from the shoes and Harry dug a set of pajamas out of the dresser.

Theoretically, all he had to do was give the baby a fresh diaper, get him into his pajamas, and put him to bed. But Harry wasn’t the head of a spy organization for nothing, and he suspected it would be harder than that. So he was prepared for the wiggles during the diaper change and managed them. He was prepared for the fight in getting the pajamas on, but he managed it without any tears, from the baby or him. So he was feeling pretty good about this venture. Eggsy clearly was worrying over nothing.

JB ran around his legs with his little snuffly grunts. Harry wasn’t entirely sure what the little dog was doing, but he was usually up here when Eggsy was putting Jamie to sleep, so it was entirely possible that this was just part of his bedtime routine.

He set the baby into his crib gently. He squirmed and kicked about, but Harry was fairly sure that was normal. He should be able to calm himself down and go to sleep. Harry turned on the baby monitor and left the room as quickly and quietly as he could. JB settled into a ball by the crib, and it, surprisingly, made Harry feel better about leaving.

He made it all the way to the sitting room before the screaming started. He bolted back up the stairs and flipped the lights on. The baby stopped screaming almost instantly, but his lip still wiggled dangerously. JB was scratching at the crib, and generally making things worse as far as Harry could see. Hecame over and looked for signs of distress, worried that he had managed to get his hand or foot caught in the side of the crib, or maybe he had scratched himself with the demonically sharp little nails.

But he didn’t see anything wrong. He laid a gentle hand on the boy’s stomach to try and calm him. “Now, James,” he said gently, “it’s bedtime. Go to sleep and your papa will be home tomorrow.”

He stood there for a moment more, trying to calm him into sleep. Once his lip had stopped its dangerous tremor, Harry removed himself from the room once again, taking the dog with him this time. He didn’t want him to disturb the baby.

He didn’t even get down the stairs this time before the crying started again. He stopped mid-step, already half turned around. But he grit his teeth and continued down the stairs. You weren’t supposed to go to them every time they cried. It was important that he learned how to self-comfort. He had read it in Parents Magazine. JB didn’t agree, because he wiggled hard in Harry’s arms, whining desperately.

Harry set JB down in his bed and ordered him to stay. He whined, but he stayed where he was told. Harry was glad Eggsy had trained him so well, it made things a little easier.

He sat down in his armchair and tried to relax, but he couldn’t stop staring at the baby monitor, waiting desperately for the crying to stop.

“Fuck this,” he hissed as he bolted from the chair and returned to Jamie’s room. He scooped the little boy up and cradled him to his chest.

“There, now,” he cooed as he rocked back and forth. “I’m here now. I’m sorry, those parenting books are stupid.”

Jamie petered off into wimpery sniffles, but Harry didn’t put him down this time. Clearly he was going to traumatize this boy. Eggsy should never have left. He had no idea what he was doing and now Jamie was never going to sleep or eat his vegetables or grow to be a functioning member of society. How could he think he could be a father? He’d just end up raising a spoiled little thing who can’t do anything for himself, just like the worst Kingsman candidates.

He had always judged the boys who came in, entitled little snots and not much else. He blamed their parents, clearly useless, but maybe he had judged them too harshly. How was he supposed to be any different when he can’t stand to hear the baby cry? How could he be a proper parent when he’s so weak?

He sat down heavily in the rocking chair. Jamie nuzzled against his shoulder and Harry moved a hand to cradle his head.

He and Eggsy had discussed this before, they didn’t want to be the sort of parents who did that co-sleeping nonsense. They both agreed that it was self-indulgent and didn’t to the child any favors, but damned if it wasn’t tempting.

He sighed as if he was trying to expel his soul from his body. He needed help, no matter how much it would kill him to admit it.

He reached up and pressed a button on his glasses, only waiting a moment before Eggsy’s voice filtered into his ear.

“Harry? You alright?”

“I can’t get the baby to sleep.”

“…Did he get his afternoon nap? Cuz I told you if he gets overtired it’s almost impossible to-“

“Yes! He’s had all his naps at the times you specified in the chart. Or, nearly those times.”

“’S’alright, it was just a guideline. You sing to him?”

Harry frowned at nothing in particular. Clearly he had been remiss in not paying attention to the bedtime routine. He had apparently missed Eggsy’s bedtime singing and that was going to have to be corrected.

“Haaary?” Eggsy’s voice called him back to the present and he turned his attention back to the conversation.

“No, is that necessary?”

“Guess not, but it puts him to sleep every time, so…”

Harry huffed and pointedly ignored Eggsy’s laugh. “Could you sing to him? I could hold him up to the glasses? Or just put them on him.”

Eggsy laughed hard at that, and Harry couldn’t help but chuckle too. He’d probably put the glasses on Jamie just for a laugh, but he didn’t want to lose the sound of Eggsy’s voice. And Jamie had made himself fairly comfortable against his shoulder, and Harry didn’t want to disturb him.

“Nah,” Eggsy said after his laughter had died down. “We’ve tried that before while Roxie was watchin’ ‘im. ‘s like he doesn’t like the sound through phones.”

“What should I sing then?” Harry asked, giving in to his fate as Jamie burbled in his ear.

“Whatever. You could probably just sing the alphabet as long as you sing it slow and soft enough.”

“Alright, I’ll try.” Harry felt bad for subjecting this little boy to his singing voice, but if that was the only way to get him to sleep, then that was what he was going to have to do.  
“How was the rest of the day, then?”

“Good. We’ve had a nice time.”

“That’s wonderful!” Eggsy sounded too surprised at that. Harry was considering being offended, but Eggsy seemed so happy, it was probably better to just take it as a complement. “I wanna hear everything.”

“When you get home. I don’t want to distract from your mission. And I have to get this little one off to sleep.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Eggsy sighed. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, love. But you’ll be home soon enough.”

“Yeah, I know. Give Jamie a kiss from me, ok?”

“Of course. Goodnight, love.”

“Night.”

They disconnected and Harry felt like a bit of the color was sucked from the room. Jamie cooed against his shoulder and Harry rubbed his back comfortingly.

No matter what Eggsy said, he didn’t want to just sing any old song. Bedtime songs and stories could affect his dreams, or any number of things. He wanted to inspire good dreams for a good sleep. But he didn’t know what to sing. Most lullabies were insipid and he wasn’t going to subject any child in his care to them.

They sat together for a few minutes, just rocking in the chair, while Harry racked his brains for a decent song. He finally removed Jamie from his shoulder so he could look the boy in the eye.

“Now, James,” he said to the sleepy boy, “I’m not the best singer, but I’ve remembered a decent song for you, so I’m going to do my best.

Jamie brought his arms up to rub at his eyes so Harry took that as a go ahead and returned the boy to his shoulder and started to sing.

_The greatest adventure is what lies ahead._  
_Today and tomorrow are yet to be said._  
_The chances, the changes are all yours to make._  
_The mold of your life is in your hands to break._

He tried to pitch his voice low and soft, and he slowly felt Jamie relax against him. He sang through the whole song just to be sure the baby was properly asleep before laying him into his bed. He watched him for a moment to make sure he wouldn’t wake up before heading out of the room.

He opened the door slowly, so it didn’t squeaks and was greeted with the sight of JB sitting outside the door. He regarded the pup for a long moment before stepping aside.

“Alright, but you had better be quiet,” he whispered. JB rushed in and plunked himself down in front of the crib without a peep.

Harry left the door open a bit as he headed back downstairs. Yeah, he could do this parenting thing.

Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best ^_^ Thank you everyone for the messages! I'm still a bit off my schedule, but I'm hoping to be back on track soon. 
> 
> I meant for this chapter to be just fluff, but then Harry had to go and have a little crisis. Ah, well, I hope you enjoyed it!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....*slinks back into the room* ah.... well, it's been a while since I last updated ｍ（｡≧ _ ≦｡）ｍ All I can say is that working third shift is not conducive to... well, anything really. But I have a new job that gives me a lot more time to write, so I should be able to come back to this story now!
> 
> Buuuut I'm also about to take the GRE to try and go back to school and maybe get my doctorate. heh. So I'm not gonna shoot myself in the foot this time by promising another chapter soon, but I'll do my best!

“Come now, James. Eat your peas.” Harry tried to shove another spoonful of the mushy peas into the baby’s mouth, but the boy wasn’t having any of it. He pushed the little bit of peas out of his mouth with his tongue with the most disgusted look on his face. And yes, it was adorable, but he was meant to eat the peas, not wear them.

Harry frowned at the little devil. “If you don’t eat your peas, you can’t have any desert.”

“Bah!” Jamie slammed his hands down on his tray.

“I mean it. Eat your peas or no biscuits.”

He shook his head furiously, and Harry didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was amazing how much Jamie understood even though he couldn’t talk yet. The boy made grabby hands towards the table where Eggsy had left the shopping. 

“ _No_ , you can’t have something different until you eat your peas.”

Jamie just looked at him desperately and started babbling. Harry basically understood. He didn’t _like_ peas. There were so many other jars, why can’t Harry just give him his apples and bananas? Well, that was just too damned bad, because he wasn’t throwing away another half-eaten jar of mushy peas. Jamie was going to eat his vegetables and he was going to _like it_.

Harry pushed another spoonful of peas into Jamie’s mouth, and this time he kept the spoon there to catch it when the boy spat it out. He pushed it right back in and this time he swallowed, a look of utter betrayal on his face. 

“Oh, hush, it’s not that bad.”

Eggsy came into the room just in time to see Jamie swallow his second bite of peas. “Look at you!” Eggsy exclaimed as he came over to the pair of them. “Eating your veg!” He dropped a kiss on top of Jamie’s head and gave Harry a quick peck on the lips. Jamie started babbling excitedly and started reaching for Eggsy.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Of course you want your papa. He’ll save you from the mushy peas.”

“Ah, Harry, have a heart. He ate them.” Eggsy grinned and grabbed a towel to wipe off the pea goo. 

“Yes, two bites.” Harry sighed and stood up to throw away the peas. He didn’t know why he kept buying these.

“Well that’s close enough.” Eggsy finished cleaning Jamie’s face, and reached into the cupboard for the box of melt away yogurt bits. Jamie squealed and hit the tray again in excitement. Eggsy shook out a small handful onto the tray and watched as Jamie pinched one and smushed it into his mouth. Harry watched Eggsy’s face as he watched Jamie. His eyes were so soft and so full of love and pride. Harry felt like he could stare at his mate’s face all day. 

“You really shouldn’t give him sweets before he’s finished his dinner,” he said after a moment, but it was clear he didn’t really mean it. 

Eggsy snorted and ran a hand through Jamie’s hair. “I know, but it’s just today.” His face fell and he looked away for a moment. “I don’t know when I’ll be home from this mission.”  
Harry crossed the room and wrapped Eggsy in a hug, pressing a kiss to his temple. “You’ll be home in no time. I wouldn’t send you on this mission if I didn’t think you couldn’t be home within a month.”

Eggsy turned into him and gave him a tense smile. “I know, I’m the best one for the job, yeah?”

“Of course,” Harry said seriously. He personally thought Eggsy was one of the best knights they’ve ever had. Between him and Roxy, their mission success rate had increased by fifteen percent, and their number of civilian casualties had decreased by twenty. 

The old guard stood out in too many situations, they just weren’t as adaptable as Roxy and Eggsy. And of the two, Harry thought Eggsy was the better Kingsman. Though he may be a little biased. But he thought Eggsy was faster, quicker to adapt to changing situations, and he was practically fearless. He was also less likely to blindly follow orders, which, while occasionally annoying, increased his overall effectiveness. It was hard to remember the intuition that had saved his life so many times when he was stuck in an office. But Eggsy didn’t give a shit about orders if he felt it would compromise the mission or hurt an innocent. 

But this was the longest mission he was being sent on since they had gotten Jamie. The least he would be gone was two weeks. For anyone else, it could take over a month to establish a solid enough cover to get the intel they needed. But Harry was sure Eggsy could complete the mission faster than anyone else he could send.

Eggsy knew all this. They had discussed all this when he had been assigned the mission. But hearing how much faith Harry put in him always made him smile.

“Bet I’ll be home in a week.” He grinned at Harry and moved to unstrap Jamie from his high-chair.

“Don’t rush it. I want you home safe.”

Eggsy cuddled the baby to his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Always,” he said with a grin.

Harry wanted to wrap Eggsy in his arms and cover him in kisses. Keep him locked in here forever, cozy and happy. But he knew that would never make his omega happy. So instead he held his arms out for Jamie and said “Merlin will throw a fit if we’re late again.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes but handed the baby over. “Well we’d better get going then.”

 

Harry set Jamie on his play mat and placed several of his toys around him. He was crawling around now and he would often play with one toy for five minutes before abandoning it to crawl to another. It meant Harry had to keep a closer eye on him, especially at work, but it was good. They were three weeks into Eggsy’s mission, and keeping an eye on Jamie helped keep him from worrying. 

Jamie grabbed his blocks and stuck one corner in his mouth. He wasn’t very good at stacking them just yet, but they were his favorite. Harry made sure there wasn’t anything dangerous around him before going to sit at his desk.

Jamie waved his block at Harry and babbled at him.

“Yes, that’s your block.”

“Blu!”

“Block.”

Jamie looked at the block like he had never seen it before. “Blu…” he said softly before sticking the block back into his mouth. Harry took that as a dismissal and turned back to his work. 

He had several reports to go over, but none of them were the report he wanted to read. Eggsy wasn’t scheduled to send his next progress report for another two days, but Harry couldn’t help but worry. He never felt quite right when his family was apart. 

Jamie continued to babble at his toys but Harry barely heard him. The boy seemed to be constantly making noise these days, and it almost sounded like words. But he hadn’t managed to say anything beyond his usual nonsense. Harry tried to talk with him as much as he could to encourage his verbal skills, but he couldn’t come anywhere near how much Eggsy talked to Jamie.

The two of them never seemed to stop talking when they were together. Eggsy would carry him around the house or the park and point things out to explain to Jamie. Jamie always stared at him like Eggsy was unveiling the secrets of the universe before he started talking back. Eggsy would respond like the baby made perfect sense and the two could go on like that for hours. It was absolutely adorable, and Harry would never dream of interfering. 

So it usually ended up that Eggsy was the one to talk to him. Which was fine, Harry wanted Eggsy to have as much time with the baby as he wanted. Especially as he started going back to work for longer missions. Harry was content to listen to the two of them babble away.

It was easy, then, to keep one ear turned to Jamie while he focused on his work. So when the baby went quiet, he put his pen down as soon as he noticed and turned to the boy, expecting to see him on the verge of tears. Instead he saw a little boy staring intently at his block. He looked a little angry, but that could easily just be him concentrating. Those faces were surprisingly similar.

He was about to turn back to his work when Jamie threw the block down and turned to look at him. The baby gave him a gummy smile and Harry returned the gesture. He expected the baby to go back to his blocks, maybe move so he could crawl to the one he threw, but he wiggled his legs and made grabby hands to be picked up.  
Harry sighed, but it seemed he didn’t move fast enough for the boy.

“Dada!” He wiggled faster, but Harry was too shocked to move. Jamie just continued to chant his new word, “Dada, Dada, Daaadeeee.”

The boy wiggled faster and Harry finally moved to pick him up. “Now, James,” he said as seriously as he could manage while picking up a squirmy infant. “I know you didn’t just say your first word while your papa was away, did you?”

Jamie giggled and buried his face into Harry’s neck. Harry rubbed his back gently for a minute and tried to collect himself. It wasn’t an actual word, surely. He was just making noises that sounded like words. He would pretend it never happened and when Eggsy came home he would encourage Jamie to say papa. 

Eggsy deserved that. 

After all, Eggsy still took care of him the most. Harry was doing his best, but he didn’t read stories with all the voices, or take him out on walks just so he can get some fresh air. It wasn’t Harry who sat on the floor so the baby could play with JB safely.

Harry honestly didn’t do that much. It didn’t matter how much Eggsy said he was happy with Harry doing baths and feeding him and such. It just wasn’t as much as Eggsy did. 

He held Jamie closer as he settled back down to work. Jamie wasn’t ready for a nap yet, but he clearly wanted some cuddle time from the way he nuzzled into Harry’s neck. It made working a bit difficult, but he was hardly going to deny scent comfort to an infant. He should look into buying one of those papoose things so he can still use both his hands when the baby wanted to be held. 

He flicked his computer over to the internet to see what sort of options were available. Maybe he would get one for Eggsy too, that seemed like something he would like.  
Three hours later, Harry had seen just about every baby carrying device there was, and had bought two slings and a new pram. Because it was clear that the one they were using was insufficient at and a death trap at worse. 

Jamie had gone back to crawling around on the floor pretty quickly and had fallen asleep about fifteen minutes ago. He should probably get some actual work done. Merlin would end up restricting his internet access. Again.

 

The next morning, Harry trudged into the kitchen to get the coffee started. The house seemed too cold, too empty without his mate home. 

He felt groggy and slow as he went through the motions of getting his and Jamie’s breakfast ready. Normally, Eggsy would be waking Jamie up and getting him dressed, but since he was still sleeping, harry didn’t see any point in waking him just to bring him down and watch Harry get breakfast ready.

He was just finishing setting out Jamie’s porridge to cool when he heard an inhuman wail from upstairs. He nearly dropped the bowl in his haste to get up the stairs.  
He burst into Jamie’s room with his heart beating one hundred miles a second only to find the baby standing up in his crib, red-faced but otherwise perfectly fine.  
It was a little jarring to see him standing there. He knew Jamie had started standing as long as there was something to hold onto, but it was still surprising to see it. But he was still crying, so he moved across the room and scooped up the screaming child.

“What’s this now?” he said in his most soothing voice. Jamie looked at him with watery eyes and reached out to grab at his face.

“Dada!” The baby managed to make the word sound accusing and Harry felt his heart drop. There was no mistaking it, Jamie was talking and Eggsy had missed it.  
Harry made soothing noises as he headed down to the kitchen. This was terrible. He couldn’t curb Jamie’s new skill without traumatizing the boy. He could see it now, ‘oh that’s Jamie; he doesn’t talk. Why? Because Harry Hart is a Dumbass who yells at babies. 

He placed Jamie into his chair and went about the business of breakfast, doing his best to make it seem like nothing was wrong. And considering he was a spy, his best was pretty damned good. Jamie was happily covered in porridge by the time he was done, and it was clear that he was none the wiser about Harry’s inner turmoil. 

He had to do something. He wouldn’t let Eggsy miss out on a precious memory because of the job Harry had dragged him into. He wasn’t going into work today, he had time to fix this.

He went up to his office with the baby in tow. He had two options here; approve the research department’s desperate request to work on time travel (which a strange note in his desk told him he must absolutely never do) or he could take a damned recording like a normal person.

He set Jamie on the desk carefully and slipped on his glasses.

“Merlin,” He said as he pressed a button on the side of his glasses. 

“Arthur.”

“I’m about to make an encrypted file. I know how curious you get so I’m warning you now. Don’t. It’s not for you.”

“I imagine I could have figured that out by it being an encrypted file.”

“As if you don’t look at every piece of data that crosses our servers. I swear Merlin, I don’t have another camera. If you look at this-“

“Alright, alright. I don’t even think I want to know at this point.”

Harry laughed at his old friend and disconnected the line. It was fine with him if Merlin jumped to conclusions, because if he ever saw what Harry was about to do, Harry knew his reputation would never recover.

He steadied Jamie with one hand, as he had started to wobble a bit, and flicked his glasses to his secure personal channel with the other.

He faced the small wobbly human and tried not to feel fear. He prepared his sweetest sounding voice and smiled his best disarming smile. “Alright, James, saaay Daddy.”


	10. Updates

[](http://s1380.photobucket.com/user/spider_lilly/media/unnamed_zpseu9w5n3t.png.html)

Soooo... sorry this isn't an actual chapter, but I wanted to send out an update to let you guys know what's going on. In the course of working on this fic, I realized I was missing things I needed, my pacing wasn't turning out the way I wanted, and just in general wasn't the story I wanted to produce. I'm not giving up on this fic, not by a long shot, but I do want to give you guys the fic you deserve. So I won't be posting anything for a couple of months (shocking, I know :/) but when I do, I plan to have the whole fic done, so you guys can have regular updates. 

So if you're super attached to the chapters I've already written, feel free to save them, because I'm going through some serious edits. I hope to be done sometime during the summer, at which point I'll replace all of the chapters already posted, and then schedule the rest of the chapters.

I really appreciate all the support that you guys have given me, and I want to give you the best story I can write!

Thank you all for sticking with me, and I hope you like the finished story!

*banner was drawn by my very talented sister


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